I’m frustrated that I still can’t safely run outside with any regularity.
I’m frustrated that I have to wait for a treadmill and slog through every mile when I do opt for the gym.
I’m frustrated that I really have no idea what my pace is at this point.
I don’t know if I’m getting faster or slower.
I’ve been sick on and off for months, and I feel like a weakling when I skip a workout to sleep and try to get healthy.
I see my running friends in other locales, logging big miles, and my frustration grows.
And at the root of it all, I have fear. Fear that I won’t reach my goals. Fear that I’m not strong enough, not tough enough. Fear that I’ll never be able to drag myself out of this rut.
This happens to everyone, though. Logically, I know we all have our highs and lows. Logically, I know that even the most experienced and fastest runners in the world suffer through a slump. Logically, I know I’m doing my best and that I’ll find my way out of it sooner than later. But the mind and the heart are often at odds, and this is one of those times.
Today, the sun is shining and my sinus pain is waning. Maybe today will be the day I run myself out of this darkness and back into my happy place. — Mags