(Mags performed this piece as part of 20×2 Chicago, where 20 performers each get 2 minutes to answer the same question in whatever manner they see fit. You can watch her live performance here, or check out the embedded version below starting at the 3:22 mark.)
I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
I can’t.
Many a motivational quote says that in order to be successful, you have to eliminate the word “can’t” from your vocabulary. While training for my first marathon, I was given that advice over and over again.
And yet here I am, at mile 24, and all I can think of is can’t. All of my energy is concentrating on can’t.
“Maggie, you can’t pee your pants.”
I’d been running for four-plus hours in unseasonably warm October weather, drinking water at every stop along the way, when the urge to pee hit me. Hard. I scanned through the options in my mental Rolodex, which admittedly, was not firing on all cylinders. One, I could stop at the next aid station and use a port-o-potty. But this was my first marathon and I was afraid if I stopped running, I physically wouldn’t be able to start again. Or two, I could try to hold it for another 2.2 miles.
I decided on option two, to hold off on going No. 1.
Every step is a strain on my bladder. Great. Just another part of my body that’s now in pain, to go along with my intensely aching knees, hips, calves, ankles, feet and back.
Then I realize, I am in danger of pissing myself in front of my friends, family and a million strangers at the Chicago Marathon.
That’s when the can’t takes over.
“Maggie, you can’t pee your pants.”
The last mile is hell. It’s hot and I hurt and now I’m convinced I’m going to have a goddamn bladder infection to go along with my possibly-but-almost-definitely sprained ankle.
I make the turn into Grant Park and now it’s only 800 meters between me and my goal. I kick into whatever semblance of a high gear I have left. Arms raised in a V, I cross the finish line.
YES! I DID IT! I RAN THE FUCKING CHICAGO MARATHON!
And then, in my most triumphant moment of joy, pain and relief, I promptly pee my pants.
I couldn’t help it.
True sign of a die hard runner. Anything to finish the race in the best time possible. Congrats on the finish. I hope you had a change of clothes.
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Hahaha thanks! The good news was, it was 80 degrees at the finish that year, so I just doused myself with water and no one was the wiser … until I told a roomful of strangers about it, that is. 🙂
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And now all of us! good thing there was all of that water! No one smells good at the end of a marathon anyway.
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